Monday, December 13, 2010 long....

Well where to begin? What can I say without offending anyone?

Sunday I hit my breaking point, 3 am I get startled by my mothers dogs barking like mad, turns out my car, the only thing I have besides my clothes and health, got the windows busted out of both the front and rear. So I am felling very at a loss with the world at the moment. Not sure what road to take, what direction my life is heading anymore, no vision of the future. I am heartbroken and lost, the one I thought would love me forever turned his back on me. I have lost everything, my love, my children and myself. All I want to do is cry. This is all my fault and I have no one to blame but myself. He asked me to do more around the house, he asked me for more attention, he asked me to loose weight, and no matter what my efforts were they weren't enough or fast enough or what he wanted. I have no job, I am in school, I have no money, I lost my home. My mother and sister are letting me stay with them and I am so grateful for that. I do get to see my daughter every morning when her father drops her off for me to take to school. Occasionally I get to see my son, who I am not even sure wants to see me half the time, however I am so proud of him for all his efforts in sports and school. This holiday season sucks so much. No getting excited with the kids. No money to buy gifts. Not even certain when and how long I will get to see them. I have lost the entire side of my husbands family whom I had grown to love and feel as they were my own.

My prayer for now is to wake up and see what tomorrow brings.